Why Do I Fail? (A Spoken Word Poem)

I am a student of a high-average class
and there was a time I thought I was smart
I thought I knew everything, it all came from the brain and not from the heart
I liked to read when I was a kid
All the books I had gave me knowledge
Everything I learned I kept inside
Until I made it here

But it’s so hard to keep this strength through the years
From the way things are going, for me to stay here
You must be joking
I got all these new ideas
A passing grade is not passing for me
I no longer had time to read
Textbooks, maybe, but even that gets boring

I struggled to keep up with my classmates
Seeing someone with a lower test score than me made me happy
But it shouldn’t, really
I became competitive
I’d accept challenges no matter how big, no matter how small
Over and over and over again
-But! What then…?
What was I fighting for?
I wanted to be a writer, not a scientist
Why did I focus so much on physics when I could have turned to my failed essays?
Maybe once, I did, but the failure I experienced then
It was something I couldn’t look at again

I failed, I failed, I failed, I failed
What is this life of mine anymore?
What were the real goals I have been fighting for?
I used to hear voices that cheered me on
Where have the sources of them gone now?
What did they sound like again?
What monster have I become?
To turn away from what was really important to me…

My scores are far from passing, my projects would be returned
I wish I listened to that little voice that once told me it’s okay
“It’s never okay”, I’d say
Look at where that got me now

Why do I keep failing?
I would always ask myself
But the answer was right before me
The solution plain to see
I have been corrupted in the mind
With power I never had
All those lost I’ve yet to find again

Why do I keep failing?
I’ve let go of something important
I failed at living my life, so I failed at everything else

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